5. Building Support

Supportive relationships are important to help people achieve goals and cope with challenges along the way.  It's as simple as people who have lots of supports achieve better weight loss and have a better chance of keeping it off. 

Sharing your goals with the people in your life can be helpful in two ways: it may keep them from unknowingly sabotaging your efforts; and  it keeps you honest and accountable.

For successful weight management we need to (1) build positive support, and (2) address negative influences.

1. Building Positive Support

·        Identify the people who are close to you that could help support you.  Don’t forget to think of people and professionals you could use to help build support.

·        Determine what behavior do you find helpful?  Different people can offer different supports.

·        Ask for help in developing specific supportive behaviours.

I am lucky to have a wife that understands my weight loss barriers and has taken the initiative to help and support me.  She’s always eager to walk or bike with me; she keeps tempting food out of the house; she helps me talk through the challenges of upcoming social events and develop a plan; she recognizes my efforts and is a champion.  The only things I’ve had to ask for of my wife – a few times I’ve asked if she could not eat a specific food around me when I was being sorely tempted – I have sometimes had to explain that when I share challenges I don’t always want problem-solving, sometimes I just need her to listen.

I have been grateful for the Bariatric team and have picked their brains with many questions.  I asked a close group of friends to become prayer partners at the beginning of my journey.  They have been a tremendous source of support and strength.  I developed a list of other supports I could draw upon if I have a need at some point: family doctor, Employee Assistance Plan for counselling, local dietician, a friend to walk with, a physical trainer for resistance training planning, internet forums.

Asking for help can be hard – I hate it – but understand that your success depends on your asking and others are usually eager to help.

2. Address Negative Influences

There will be some people that will try to sabotage your weight management efforts – either consciously or unconsciously.  Make a list of the people and behaviours that are unhelpful to your weight management.  You will need to develop a plan for dealing with these – what exactly will you say and do?  Having a plan ready ahead of time will help you.

Assertiveness tips:

·        Use “I” messages, “I feel”/ “I need”  Example: “I would prefer to make dinner at home tonight” versus “You always want to go for pizza”

·        Be direct – get to the point

·        Treat others with respect – be open to negotiation

·        Focus on the present, not the past

·        Remain calm

·        It’s Ok to say ‘no’ – “No thanks, I’m trying to be healthy”

·        State your intention to achieve a healthy weight and why it’s important to you

·        Explain the types of support you need (e.g. fewer sweets in the house, or a walking partner)

·        Recognize that others may have difficulty adjusting to the changes you’re making – be patient, they may need time and encouragement to adjust to your new changes.

·        Set limits on behaviours or situations that threaten to sabotage your efforts

·        Avoid people who try to undermine your efforts to make healthy choices

·        Give constructive feedback:

o   Tell people what they’re doing right

o   Politely ask for the changes you need

o   Thank them for your help

·        Look for weight loss role models you admire to help you with your motivation

·        Add positive influences to your life:

o   Find a buddy who has similar goals

o   Use non-food rewards

o   Surround yourself with positive energy

·        Avoid ‘Always’, ‘Never’, ‘Should’ 

Consider the DESC model for assertive communication developed by Sharon and Gordon Bower in their book ‘Asserting Yourself’.

Describe	Focus on the immediate situation (e.g. “right now you are telling me that ______” or “When you do ______”)
Effect   (or express)	E.g. “I feel_________”
Specify	E.g. “I prefer that ______” or “No, thank you, but I would like ______”)
Consequences	Indicate what the POSITIVE PAYOFF will be for yourself and the other person if you get what you want (e.g. “I think that this will help me feel more comfortable being with you and we can have a better relationship.”)

It is important that you do not put the other person down, that you show them that you want apositive outcome for them as well as for yourself.